I NEVER GET IT WRONG

SHEERLUCK JONES.

Here is a fact you can’t ignore:

I’m a policeman - I’m the law

And my arm is very long.

To all the thieves I give the chase

So the world’s a better place,

And I never get it wrong!

I will go to Hell and back

Just to bring a felon back.

(Do you see?)

So when a thug is on a spree

He won’t get the best of me

Nor the tea leaf nor the con.

Crooks are the ones that I abhor

I break those who break the law

And I never get it wrong!

Crooks have got a lot to lose

Cos I can spot those tiny clues.

My sense of justice is so strong

Cos I’ve never been wrong.

(Interesting, isn’t it?)

You claim a vampire is running amok in this town!

Balderdash, lady! - I’ll soon track the criminal down

‘S not supernat’ral; so let us think lat’ral, a

Mugger’s at work: that seems plain

I’ll exorcise demons by exercising my great brain.

(Here’s warning to criminal. It’ll learn you how right I am)

I’ll make the villain comprehend

He’s the one I’ll apprehend

And I’ll make him mend his ways.

So if you think of doing crime

Around here, remember I’m

Around here - it never pays.

Crimes that men and women’ll

Commit just make a criminal!

I’ll see their sentences are long

Cos I’ve never been wrong

(Well, it’s justice, innit? Now what was your idea again, Miss?)

Ghosties and ghoulies are haunting us here doing crime!

That’s the worst theory I’ve heard in a very long time.

It’s kleptomania, not Translyvania.

He’s flesh and blood, you will find.

The clues I’ll commit to my great analytical mind.

(I like songs about policemen - they always stay on the beat! And now for a little constabulary dance)

(Dance part)

So if you steal a load of loot

You will wear an arrowed suit

That’s the thing the felons dread.

Thing is that crooks are hard to see

Cos they look like you and me

Not the ranks of the undead!

Crooks think I can’t out-think them

But clues that I find out link them

To all the crimes that they commit

They wont benefit!

No! Not one tiny bit -

Let me tell you

That is the point of this whole song

Cos I’ve never been -

Frankly, I’ve never been wrong!

(Move along, ladies and gentlemen, nothing to see here)